Rape Victim walk down memory lane

A Rape victim tells her story. If you have ever been raped and still wallowing in self pity or disgust,please read this story,it might encourage you. 
Hello Jura,

Following the recent rape post, I thought  to share my experience and how it almost ruined me and how God helped me scaled through it.
I think I was 5 or 6 then and my mum ( mother hen as she was always called) travelled with my younger ones leaving me at the mercy of my step mum who was older. Mum always locked us up in the room when she was around and the fact that she had me when she was just 17 years also had effect on her. 

So my bro (HALF BROTHER- FIRST SON) sent every one out of the house( I think it was a duplex or so) and said since my mum didn't always allow me out, I should be the only one remaining . He later asked me to go get something for him and while I was on my way, grabbed me and forcefully penetrated me. I screamed or fainted or so.

 When I woke up, he told his mum he wanted to take me out to the beach. he made me promise him I wouldn't tell my mum cos my mum will kill him, kill my dad and me. he continued molesting me for over 5 years when ever he was around and had the opportunity or sometimes takes me to his friends house and like 3 of them will take turns on me. 

I later was sent to a boarding school and escaped his torments. there in school, I became born again and still did not tell anyone but was always scared to be left alone in a males company. my mum noticed something, tried to make me talk but I felt protecting her from jail was my priority cos I know she will kill him if she ever knew. 

This my brother was an undergraduate then and I later knew he molested me out of hatred for my mum marrying my dad and he was the capone of his cult in school, very dreaded. I became aggressive when I gained admission to the University on discovering a lot of my friends where virgins And those who had it recount how precious there first time were.

 I decided to sleep around afterall, God didn't protect me when I needed him most, though I couldn't sleep with married men cos of the hatred my siblings had for my mum and didn't want her life replayed in mine.

 I had loads of boys at will. I learnt the act of sex and how to give pleasure ,yes, they told themselves how good I was in bed and trust boys, they wanted me. I thought I had power and I controlled them at will. 

I was angry and needed to take it out but foolishly, I was hurting myself and reputation. it affected my study abd I dropped from a 1st class result to a pass in a matter of 2 sessions. but my mum kept praying cos her instinct told her it was a spiritually attack. . God saved me by always sending some student pastors my way who always feel they needed to counsel me or be my friend, at my 4th year I had a lot of them as friends. 

They encouraged me without even knowing the reason for my waywardness and  lifestyle. they were not ashamed to sit,visit and gist with me. I saw God's forgiveness and mercy through them. I sat myself down one day,though through my pains and discovered some things;

1. my brother and his friends have moved on, married, got kids, become born again some pastor self and asked God to forgive them.

2. I was hurting myself misbehaving, failing exams, not enjoying God at his best

3. I realised my mum was always blaming herself for marrying as a second wife at 17yrs and making our brothers and sisters hate us for sharing their dad.

4. most of my friends lied about being a virgin then(lolz)

Therefore I forgave myself, my brother and his friends,my mum and made a decision to move on. focused on my studies, encouraged my mum to further her education ( she has msc now and writing her ICAN by November ) my siblings (mum had 4 of us) are all graduates doing well (I am an engineer, 2nd is a broadcaster,3rd a doctor and 4th a nurse) . 

I am married with kids and hubby is a blessing though I tried telling him about my past or some of it, he says he is not interested and wants only the future. I know I can kill if anyone touches my daughter and always prays it will never get to that cos even if I do, the memory still will affect her. 

Please lets train our boys against molesting the girls and vice versa, it is my campaign now cos I know it can hurt. I am 32 now and this is the first time am recounting this since it happened.