Friday, 5 September 2014

Joan Rivers Biography, Funeral Wish And Thoughts on How She Would Die

Joan Rivers was a comedian to the end, as it was reported that she was joking about death and funeral just the day before she was admitted to hospital. The late actress and TV host also wrote about funerals in her 2012 book, I Hate Everyone...Starting With Me. Meanwhile it's been revealed that her funeral will take place on Sunday September 7th at the Temple Emanu-El in New York. Below is her biography, and some more memorable quotes on deaths and funerals after the cut.




On what she wants for her own funeral

"When I die, I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action...I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on;

I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely." I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyoncé's."

On obituaries

"I love the obituaries. To me, obituaries are just wedding announcements without the pictures. I read the obituaries carefully, the way Lindsay Lohan reads her Miranda rights."

On people who die of natural causes

"I hate people who die of natural causes; they just don't understand the moment. It's the grand finale, act three, the eleven o'clock number — make it count. If you're going to die, die interesting! Is there anything worse than a boring death? I think not. When my time comes I'm going to go out in highs type. I have no intention of being sick or lingering or dragging on and on and boring everyone I know. I have no intention of coughing and wheezing for months on end. One morning you'll wake up and read a headline: Joan Rivers Found Dead...On George Clooney's Face. Clooney Was So Bereft All He Could Say Was, 'Xjfhfyrnem.'"

On funerals

"I love funerals! To me a funeral is just a red carpet show for dead people. It's a chance for mourners from all walks of life to accessorize basic black, and to make a fashion statement that is bold enough to draw attention away from the bereaved but subtle enough so that no one knows that it's happening. And, it's a great way to have quiet fun."

On people who offer condolences

"I hate people who try to make you feel better. Like the neighbor who says, 'Don't forget, the first part of 'funeral' is 'fun!' Or the minister who says, 'He's in a better place now.' I'm tempted to yell out, 'No he's not. He had a house in the Hamptons. What's wrong with you?""

On the pick-up scene at funerals

"As I get older, I'm going to a lot more funerals, and let me tell you something, it's a great pick-up scene. A graveside funeral is like eHarmony for the bereaved."


Joan Rivers Biography

Joan Rivers was born Joan Molinsky in Brooklyn, New York, on June 8, 1933. Rivers' first marriage was in 1955 to James Sanger, the son of a Bond Clothing Stores merchandise manager. The marriage lasted six months and was annulled on the basis that Sanger did not want children and had not informed Rivers before the wedding.

Joan's second marriage was on July 15, 1965 to Edgar Rosenberg, who committed suicide in 1987. Their only child, Melissa Warburg Rosenberg (now known as Melissa Rivers), was born on January 20, 1968. Joan has one grandson, Melissa's son Cooper, born Edgar Cooper Endicott in 2000.

Joan was an American actress, comedian, writer, producer and television host, best known for her stand-up comedy, for co-hosting the E! celebrity fashion show Fashion Police. She died on Sept. 4, 2014, at age 81, following complications from surgery.



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